I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
