That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The adults are the big ones right?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
