I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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