Who did Billy Mays play for?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
