dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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