did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
