I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
