Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
