They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
