I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
