guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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