so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize