my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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