At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
