I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
And, by āmake you dinnerā I mean āhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.ā So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize