Small penises have feelings too.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
