you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
