At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
