he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize