I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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