you guys were way drunker than both of me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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