Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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