OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
