4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
