i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
