hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
