I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
