I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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