i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
