I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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