this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
