the condom got lost in my hair
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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