Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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