I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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