cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
