Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
