NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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