none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
