Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
