So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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