Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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