Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
