My sheets look like a crime scene.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
