Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We left the knife in your bed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
