I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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