You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
