there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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