i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
