my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
