I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
