i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
