sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Too much gin, very little bucket
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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