Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
