Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize