Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
