meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
why do cheetos always look like penises
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
