she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
