I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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