Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
