didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
