I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
