i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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