I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
