i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
