I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
