awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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