no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
