The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
