sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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