I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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