Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
